..In Memory..

5 years ago today, July 31, My mother passed away. My mother was an amazing woman. She fought so hard the last couple days of her life. I will never forget sitting next to her holding her hand with my sisters as we watched her struggle for her last couple of breaths. Holding her hand so tight and not ever wanting to let go.

Losing my mother was one of the most difficult things that I had to overcome in my life. The pain never really goes away. In her life she experienced many health problems and struggled through the last years of her life with epilipsy, her loss of hearing, and her weight. Although my mom couldn't drive and was limited to certain activities there was always one thing that she always did and that is bring a smile to my face. She was happy and I know it was because of my sisters and I. I think that her fight at the end of her life was a fight for us. I don't think she was ready to leave us yet. And this thought made me very sad and almost angry that heavenly father called her home so early. Through the past five years, I have had many moments to reflect back on the memories of my mother, and have come to the conclusion that it was her time and that she is happy and Heavenly father loves her so much that he wanted her to be with him. Now, how can I be angry with that? I know that she is always with me and I can feel her close. I have a strong testimony of the gospel and I know that families are forever. Its through my faith and knowledge of the gospel that have gotten me to know that I will see my mom again.

There are times now that I know she is with me. Almost a year ago, I was involved in a car accident. A guy ran and red light and t-boned my car hitting me directly on the drivers side door going about 45mph. My car was completly totaled, but I was fine. I did not break any bones or get a scratch on me at all. I walked away with just a few bruises. I didn't have time to brace myself before the car hit me but right before I got hit I felt something just hug me really tight. My car flew about 30 feet into oncoming traffic and luckily there were no cars there. But I was able to crawl out of the other side of my car. No whiplash. No backpain. Nothing. And for some reason I really think that it was my mother. She protected me just as she did here on earth. I thank her for that everyday.

A mother is your best friend, or at least mine was. I do wish she could of been here to see me enter into each chapter of my life, to just talk to and see her smile at me and know that she is proud of her daughter. Now, I know that she was there when I was sealed to Brent and that she probably walked hand in hand with my babies. But I do miss that suprised happy look on her face when I would show her something I did or she watched me perform. I wanted to see that when I walked into the room in my wedding dress or when she would hold her grandchildren for the first time and give me hug and tell me what a good job I did. That is what I really wanted and what I really miss. I can't let it bother me though because she is there. She is my angel and she will always be there to watch over and protect my family. I will continue to live through her example and her love. As a mother, I will show my children pictures of their grandma and let them know how much she does love them. Her legacy will not be forgotten and will continue to live throughout my life.

I love you mom and miss you always.